Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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