I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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