just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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