I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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