I hate your face
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Boobs are out for the taking
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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