I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
