Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
