Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
