Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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