why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I woke up under a house in Key West
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