I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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