you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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