Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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