Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
