Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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