i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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