all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
