ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
