I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
