I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
