i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
This baby is an asshole
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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