Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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