Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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