Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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