I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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