everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
