i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
