so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
