what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
