i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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