i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
