Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
