I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
