There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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