3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
