Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
