you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
