Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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