I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
