one might say we're banned from that church
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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