I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
