you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
