i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
