third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
