i wish my penis had a tongue
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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