Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
