Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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