took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
