i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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