just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
