Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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