No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
